čtvrtek 21. května 2009

Personal Energy Drawings

Automatic drawing is an ability we all have. If we allow ourselves to just draw and forget all worries about what our creation should or should not look like, whether it's "beautiful", whether it "is something". 

I just pick a color marker, the one that comes into my hand, and start drawing a line. The line curves, stretches, bends. Another one, in a different color, comes after it. After a while, shapes start to form. Different each time, it's an adventure. At some moment, the picture contains a sort of structure, though it "isn't anything". Then I like to start filling in the free spaces with many colors. More structure emerges. Complicated designs emerge. Sometimes, even recognizable elements appear. 
What for? 
If you define an intention before starting, the picture will tell you something. It may be a question whether take a trip overseas. You'll get a feeling about it while drawing and then looking at the picture.
You can be much more specific. You can sketch an outline of your body or your apartment and then automatically insert color information about energies into it. You'll be surprised.

I like to do automatic pictures for other people, of them. No need to know them, only some identification is necessary, something that allows me to focus on the unique entity for a second. A name, an Internet nickname...even the vague memory of "that policewoman at the crossing". 

When the people receive the picture, they can usually "read" it in a way I have no idea about. They tell me what it is and what it means. Or they sometimes find symbols relevant to their life but unknown to me.

Just another little lovely trick of the Universe :) 
If you like them, you can have one from me.
But you can do your own, in your own way :)



Love and Longing..old pic but still like it



středa 20. května 2009

Woken Up Again !:) Attempt 999 To Stay in Reality :o)

Hi all you amazing beings out there,

(hey, if you cannot stand the idea of being called amazing, you better move on...or get ready to meet your fear, because we have something in common :) 

So I just woke up again, from the strange kind of "sleep" I "normally" live in, like most people. Thanks to some sleep deprivation, overworking, herbal blends and angels :), I can for the moment see more of reality than usual. More of what I really do than usual....ehh...;) More of the infinite potential and possibilities available...and of the beauty outside this 7th floor housing project window :) We have early morning now in GMT+2 - I love early mornings. 

Many, many times, I've been awake before. And it always felt so good, so natural that it would be impossible to ever fall asleep again. And then it happened. Little by little, step by step down the ladder back to the tunnel. 

This time, I wanna change something. I wanna try to share what's happening, with anyone interested. Well, I'm not exactly alone, everyone else seems to be in this more or less, but it's so easy to forget we are not the only ones, when deep in the dark part of the tunnel. Maybe someone will like reading about my process. And maybe it will help a bit, to try and tell the truth to the world, instead of hiding it even from myself. 

Whenever I'm awake, there are all these beautiful things my heart, soul and body wants to do in this life. It's all related to transformation, to the situation of Earth and human beings, to ways to freedom. I've been aware of this since the day my continuous memory starts (at 3) and have explored all kinds of transformation paths, groups, methods....and met literally hundreds of people who feel the need to live differently, to go back to natural harmony with all life.... Obviously, this is my business field here....  will go into that more later... The part of the transformation process that attracts me most is about the body and about practical life. How to free ourselves from the very strange state created by "normal" food, lack of exercise and a few endlessly repeated mechanical movements.....how to free ourselves from concrete boxes we are conditioned to stay in.... And what happens :o) There's so much to explore outside the box, so much moves and changes, as the body becomes alive. Dancing is the climax, dancing rituals, free movement to the rhytm under the sky, that's where my greatest passion lives. There and in the belief that we are all magical beings with a unique life purpose that looks nothing like the "one--size" normal life - it looks like nothing else in the Universe :) 

Oh, enough excitement now. This stuff fills me and wants to be expressed when I am awake. But what happens in sleep? Two things come back: habits and fears. They are closely related. The fears say mostly: "You gotta make money...money...money....how much do you have?...how much do you neeed? How much is coming...? Will it be enough...?" ....endless streams of money related thinking and worries. Fact is, enough money is coming in all the time, I have beautiful places to live, quality food to eat, Internet access, enough clothes...I'm rich :) Well, fact is I could use more money, but in the 15 years since I started working, one thing became clear: I don't seem to be getting anywhere financially by working out of fear. No matter how much I make (I'm a freelance translator, some times have been good), if the work sucks and hurts, somehow, I'm always left with nothing again... This has led me to working just a little and on interesting projects.... At least I have time to be outside the box :) My living standard has actually improved a lot since I started spending more and more time doing things for fun that no one pays me for.......
Stop, that's money. Obsessive subject taking up place of ideas, beauty and pleasure... I have the persistent feeling that I'll only be able to have some money when I'm doing what I really want to do. But the programmed little me that rules the sleep state doesn't believe that. And it tries to prevent dangerous experimentation by maintaining a vicious circle: it makes me waste the little money I have, on things I don't even really enjoy, like non-organic snacks and coffees here and there that are expensive and make me sick, one day and the next again....

Then there's "tasks". Somehow, I always manage to fill my calendar with names, dates, items. Things to do, people to see. The important stuff is hidden in between and gets postponed, because in sleep, I'm afraid of it. It gives me enough satisfaction to borrow a book to a friend, makes me feel a bit useful...

The sleep state is all about "a bit"... Doing a bit of yoga, eating a bit of good stuff and a bit of shit, drawing a bit and sharing it with someone a litttle bit.... Things are improving little by little over the years and the little me is satisfied with itself. In fact, it keeps sabotaging truly transformational steps (fear again), saying that I've already done enough, why bother....

Why bother? My soul wants to do things a certain way. It just doesn't work to keep up automatic habits instead. It feels bad.

I've been practicing Ashtanga yoga recently, that's GREAT...obviously, after a while, it actually gives a person a NORMAL body, functioning, strong, flexible, like humans are meant to have. Feels very different inside, even after a short time :)
There might already be enough power from that for real change elsewhere. HAS to be. Because I want to use the energy from Ashtanga, and the little me tries hard to waste it....

So, the project for the next week is to practice yoga every day, meditate every day, only eat REAL food and at home....and make a food budget and stick to it.
Might sound a lot or a little, depending on where you are. For me, yoga and meditation is almost a daily habit, just, real food periods have been coming and going, easy enough...the hardest part will be the budget. 
And for the spiritual part :)...or the creative or whatever: I want to do nothing special this week. Not try to start projects, not try to be everywhere, shut up on Internet forums if possible, rest, be in silence, gather energy, clear space...attend to practical matters...see one guy...go to the forests and rocks, dance.... All the things where the mind is not involved much. They all help the larger me grow stronger and get more control....

Maybe you think I'm too concerned about small things. They might be small for you, but not for me. They have strams of thoughts attached to them, endlessly repeated little programs, and emotions under them, old ones. I wanna deal with that for real and then explore a clear sky instead.

If things go well, this will soon NOT be about me. 
But the foundation needs to be taken care of, wan't work without it. 
Oh, this sounds like so much sunny-funny esoteric stuff. Cannot do anything about that right now. Maybe write about some dark fascinations next time :o)
have a good day, you who read this, if you exist :)